My stomach turns in knots
there it is: a horribly familiar
funny feeling
as vermillion paints the living room TV
with speckles of blue
as pacing and looking
and checking and glancing through shaking fingers
doesn’t help anymore.
So I sleep, hoping to wake up
to a new and better future.
I wake up at 5am to something
sitting on my chest.
Shame, Fear, Loss.
I voted for my sisters,
my mother (who wouldn’t vote for her child’s own rights— what a way she says “I love you”)
for my friends
and strangers who need it most.
I worked for my college’s voting education
I canvassed
I phonebanked
I text-banked
I screamed
I shouted
I stood up when others begged me to sit down
but it all fell silent.
But I won’t go quietly
into the dark.
I refuse to go back (into the closet, to the 50’s, etc.)
I will keep fighting.
The future needs me
and people like us.
I won’t give up
just for now
I mourn
and feel hopeless.
But we always come back
stronger
better
with more purpose.